it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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