we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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