I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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