ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You can't motorboat a personality
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
false alarm. still invincible.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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