It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
