gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
