Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
