let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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