so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
