I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
