i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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