It's like God shit irony all over that family
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
