dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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