I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
