you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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