If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
