I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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