i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
