i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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