The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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