Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
