I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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