He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Randomize
