Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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