Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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