I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
