Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
