Sry I called you an 8
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
