So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize