Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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