When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
