shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
