just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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