Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
