she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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