Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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