Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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