wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How does one acquire holy water?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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