YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
