He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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