I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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