He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
