So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
