That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
