Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
