One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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