Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
