What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
