Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
