I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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