went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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