i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
