Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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