what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I could fuck to npr.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
