is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
