I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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