Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
