just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
