Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea

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(201): View more from New Jersey

you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct

(973): View more from New Jersey

that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand

(201): View more from New Jersey

she's a dina-saur

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(336): View more from North Carolina

i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.

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(61): View more from Australia

Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

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(706): View more from Georgia

Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.

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(480): View more from Arizona

You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person

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(590): View more from

why is half of my head shaved?

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