everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
