and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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