Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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