Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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