sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
