You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
accomplished twins. life is a go
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
