he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't deserve a penis
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
