If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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